My family is still young. Yet my expectations of my family have already been squandered.
For instance, Marie rarely - if ever - meets my expectations. Mr Sexy tells me all the time to adjust my level of expectation for her. Yet I don't do that. I don't feel like I can. To me, it seems like that would mean she will never be good enough. Good enough for what? For who? Good enough for me? Is that my problem?
 |
| When we were getting to know each other, 2010. Sometimes I think we need to figure out how to get back to that place because we aren't there anymore. |
Do I want Marie to be good enough to be "allowed" to be a part of my family?
As a Christian, I understand where I'm in sin. As an imperfect Christian, I'm not quite sure how to get out of it.
I also had expectations of the family I grew up with. My parents, my three younger brothers. All have failed me. Every singe one. Over and over and over again. (Sound familiar?) But then again, I failed them, too. Every single member of my family have been let down by me - more than once. We are imperfect people, after all.
 |
| The family I grew up with. 2010 |
I also had expectations of the picture my family would look like. The picture in my head and the one I currently have do not match. That was my choice, though. I had sex and didn't use protection. On purpose. No, I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I was "trying" to stop having sex with my boyfriend. But I was a lonely, horny teenager who was too prideful to go the drugstore. Again. But hey, he's cute right?
 |
| Michael, 2 months old. |
So I suppose, in many regards, I have failed to meet my own expectations.
Perhaps my expectations need to change. Not for Marie, or for my family or for the friends I have around me. (Let's face it, friends - best friends - have not always met up to my expectations.) Maybe my expectations need a shift toward what God expects first. And maybe if I practice leaning into Him instead of worldly things, I will have more of a cleared up heart to accept people for who they are, where they are, even when they fail to meet all my expectations.
 |
| My family, 2014 |
Oh my sista girlfriend! Have I SO been where you are!
ReplyDelete"Do I want Marie to be good enough to be "allowed" to be a part of my family?"
Early in my parenting {we have 4 AWESOMEsauce kids ages 23,20,17,16} I had this crazy idea that I would just have to do everything right...according to someone's list...and then my kids and my family would be as amazing as all the OTHER perfect families I *thought* I knew. Interestingly enough, those families ended up to not be so "perfect" after all!
My older kids "suffered" under that delusion of mine and for that, I have {in all seriousness} offered to pay for their therapy bills. Leaving all expectations and the relentless pursuit of perfection to the Lexus manufacturers of the world will not only do your AWESOME daughter {and other kiddos} some good, it will relieve you of the ever growing burden of "WHAT else can I *DO* to make up for all the flaws in me as a mom, wife, friend, daughter, and ____fill in the blank____" that can grow to emormous proportions and weigh you down!
I feel your concern through this post...you made mistakes and so now, it is of the utmost importance to be sure to fix them. But you know....and this also comes through your words here...you can;t do anything to "fix" things because God has already got the mistakes...past, present, and future...covered under the blood and conquered by the power of His Resurrection---can I git a amen :)!??
"Maybe my expectations need a shift toward what God expects first."
OH! I wish I had grasped this truth about 23 years ago when I was preggo with baby number one. It's awesome you can see this and prayerfully it will become a part of your very being. God has little expectations of us other than to walk humbly before Him and man {eeeps...that includes the hubby AND the kids???? I was none to thrilled about that at times!}, and He wants us to love. Love beyond measure and that helps us overlook not only the flaws and lofty expectations we have of others, but also ourselves.
GREAT post. Your family is beautiful. Hope you get to enjoy this weekend some!
By His Grace,
Donna {aka City Chick}
Thank you for the heartfelt comment. There is a lot to digest here!
DeleteYou have a beautiful family. I imagine that it is hard to have a step-daughter! And even harder if she is challenged. Your husband is giving you good advice to adjust your expectations to fit where she is at. But that doesn't mean that it is easy to do.....And it is sad when our families and our friends let us down. That is what I love about blogging. These are strangers and they are holding me up and giving me what I need...they don't know me and yet they love me!!! Keep trying, keep taking it to God. Your family is worth it
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement!
DeleteI find it such a bittersweet thing when people comment "you're so strong and able to handle anything", because part of me is thinking: Aw thanks! but the other half is thinking, Um yeah - because I had to be. I couldn't count on most people. I had to do it myself. (or so you think at the time.) And I always approached friendships with the thought, okay you seem great now - but as soon as you screw up or hurt me; then I'll know who you really are. But then, after making TONS of mistakes myself in life, i realized mistakes don't always say anything about who you are. Sometimes, they are just mistakes. And then I thought: "yeah, I can let some things go and not be so hard on myself.... and everyone else." I think we all get there eventually :)
ReplyDeleteWell said. All of it!
Delete