My family is still young. Yet my expectations of my family have already been squandered.
For instance, Marie rarely - if ever - meets my expectations. Mr Sexy tells me all the time to adjust my level of expectation for her. Yet I don't do that. I don't feel like I can. To me, it seems like that would mean she will never be good enough. Good enough for what? For who? Good enough for me? Is that my problem?
|When we were getting to know each other, 2010.|
Sometimes I think we need to figure out how to get
back to that place because we aren't there anymore.
Do I want Marie to be good enough to be "allowed" to be a part of my family?
As a Christian, I understand where I'm in sin. As an imperfect Christian, I'm not quite sure how to get out of it.
I also had expectations of the family I grew up with. My parents, my three younger brothers. All have failed me. Every singe one. Over and over and over again. (Sound familiar?) But then again, I failed them, too. Every single member of my family have been let down by me - more than once. We are imperfect people, after all.
|The family I grew up with. 2010|
I also had expectations of the picture my family would look like. The picture in my head and the one I currently have do not match. That was my choice, though. I had sex and didn't use protection. On purpose. No, I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I was "trying" to stop having sex with my boyfriend. But I was a lonely, horny teenager who was too prideful to go the drugstore. Again. But hey, he's cute right?
|Michael, 2 months old.|
So I suppose, in many regards, I have failed to meet my own expectations.
Perhaps my expectations need to change. Not for Marie, or for my family or for the friends I have around me. (Let's face it, friends - best friends - have not always met up to my expectations.) Maybe my expectations need a shift toward what God expects first. And maybe if I practice leaning into Him instead of worldly things, I will have more of a cleared up heart to accept people for who they are, where they are, even when they fail to meet all my expectations.
|My family, 2014|