I Do What I Want

I'm trying something new these days: I'm doing what I feel like doing.

Life is stressful.  It's more stressful than I tend to admit.  I am reminded of this when I meet new people and I hear comments like, "Wow, I can't believe you do all that!"  I'm not trying to toot my own horn here (as much as I like to do that sort of thing) but I often downplay those kinds of comments.  I say stuff like, "Well, homeschooling Marie is pretty easy because what she's learning is so basic and we do it over and over and over again."  In reality, however, it's extremely difficult and my emotions play a large role in that.

I'll use our recent weekend as an example.

Second night kids roasted hot dogs and we adults had steak
and corn on the cob.  Uber yummy.

We went camping and it was fun!  When it came to sleeping through the night, Mr. Sexy and I were worried about Denai.  We knew Michael would sleep like a rock and assumed Marie would be too scared and cold to venture out of her tent to "explore" and scavenger for "snacks."

I used the word, assume.  Don't miss that.

Saturday morning arrived and I opened the trunk of our mini van to get out the breakfast goodies.  My heart started to pound through my chest, my hands felt clammy and my ears were burning.  Marie did, in fact, have it in her to go through the trouble of finding food even in 30 degree weather.  (It may not have been that cold but it was pretty darn cold at night!)  She ate 2 protein bars, 3 nutri-grain bars and our bag of hot dog buns.  All of these packages were sealed as of the night before.

She spent the entire morning sitting on her hands in a chair while the rest of us ate breakfast.  Then when we got home she wrote 100 sentences: I will not be sneaky.

Breakfast time.

It's now Wednesday and I'm still having trouble letting go of what happened camping.  I'm still reminded of the erasers, too.  I just don't understand it.  Not one little bit.  In my non-understanding I'm frustrated.  With the frustration I find anger.  And when I allow anger to be in control, the Sexy household isn't all that fun.

So like I said earlier, I'm practicing doing what I feel like doing.

Not in bad way, though.

For instance: Monday I decided should be a no school day so that's what we did.  I had two easy-to-reach goals which I accomplished.  Everything after was gravy.  Yesterday I didn't feel like spending 5 hours in the den trying to teach Marie about capitals and lowercase letters like I have been doing for months now.  So I didn't.  She performed her computer work and I let our school day end with that.

This concept of doing what I feel like doing isn't a long term solution to life problems and it won't work for everyone - at least, not all the time.  But for now it's helping me to relax during my day and realize that life isn't just about the accomplished tasks.  It's okay to take a break.  Maybe that's what I need in my days right now.

I'm linking up with My Sweet Peanut because it turns out I blogged about the topic:

Frustration