Here is 5 minutes of unedited writing on the topic:
Does anyone else struggle with caring for other people?
What about those closest to us? I don't mean the gushy closeness. I'm talking about proximity.
The one(s) we see every day - or nearly every day - and just being in the same room can be ... difficult.
For me, there seems to be an absence of love.
I think that's the point of all this, though.
I think I'm supposed to learn what love means. How it's supposed to look. How it's supposed to feel.
Mr. Sexy has shown me a lot over our four years together.
But I think that with kids comes more, shall we say, opportunities to learn. Then with Mr. Sexy and I we already had one kid each.
We threw ourselves together. Fingers crossed. Hopes high. Gushy love swirling around us.
The gushyies don't last forever. In fact, the gushies didn't make it past our honeymoon.
So now, here we are, with another child added to the mix
I'm still learning and understanding what love is supposed to look like. And feel like. And be like.
And I think, that one day, I will look back the days I'm in now and say, "Ah, she was teaching me to love."
Caring, for me, about people, about those closest in proximity, has been one of my most difficult struggles.