Ugh. I'm pretty sure God is trying to "help" me grow and become a "better person."
I say this sarcastically because I'm not liking it.
It stinks. It's difficult. And frustrating. Plus annoying. This growing stuff plain stinks and won't go away.
Almost daily I'm contemplating just walking away. I self-righteously feel like it would be a ballsy move that I would almost be justified in making... Except for the fact that when I think about it I feel a pang in my heart. Conviction.
Ah, conviction. How sweet and unassuming you begin.
First, it's knowing in my head; but I can easily ignore that. Feelings are much more fun to deal with. "Fun." HA!
Second, that head knowledge starts to infiltrate my mind even AFTER I decided to ignore it. (And that's just plain rude.)
Then, I let the head knowledge simmer just a bit. Just enough to acknowledge that I know what I SHOULD do and should NOT do.
Sometimes I make good choices. Sometimes not so good ones. This is when guilt tries to come into play; but I do know that guilt is not how God works. God works in the love and grace department while satan's ambitions are to make us feel all the more worse - and this usually results in more bad choices.
So by grace the guilt is removed and replaced by Godly conviction.
Godly conviction is the urging to do what I don't want to do even though I know it's the right thing to do. Godly conviction doesn't condemn. Instead it reminds me of the goodness of God and that it's something to be shared.
So here I am. Conviction is painted all over the place. I'm going to do my best to make the right choice today. And hopefully I will choose to make the right choice again tomorrow.