A few weeks ago I wrote a post about Gossip. I may have given the impression that church is a bad place to be. This is not true and I hope that's not the impression I left my readers with.
As a church-goer my entire life, I have enough faith to know that it's not church that is the problem. It's the people. The sinners. People like me and you. And me. Depending on who you talk to, the story can shift on who was in the right and who was leaning toward the wrong. I am already able to allow thoughts of forgiveness and letting go to roll through my mind regardless of who was right or wrong. Maybe there was no right or wrong. It was a judgement call. And it sucked.
While my recent wounds heal I won't be attending my home church when I visit. I still love my church family and I love my pastors. But right now, my trust in what a church family is supposed to be is a bit broken.
Today we attended our local church for the first time in months (camping tends to take up a lot of summer weekends). We left feeling tremendously blessed. We attended Sunday School where I was able to be a little bit vulnerable in sharing how hard this co-parenting/marriage/parenting/care taking/Christian thing is. And then later a friend gave me her number with the demand that I call so she can watch our kids while Mr. Sexy and I have a much needed date night.
It was a good day.
But even with the good stuff, I couldn't help but wonder who was watching as I sat next to Marie and whispered in her ear.
Did I look angry?
Did I look mean?
Is Marie responding to me ok?
Are we attracting attention?
Who is watching?
All that fear is from Satan. I know that. But it's still there nonetheless.
Mr. Sexy and I are continuing with our weekly family counseling. We are also continuing to explore the spiritual elements which I talked about in my recent post: Gear up: We are in War. There will be more on that subject later this week.