Sunday, August 24, 2014

Church: Is it bad or good?

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about Gossip.  I may have given the impression that church is a bad place to be.  This is not true and I hope that's not the impression I left my readers with.

As a church-goer my entire life, I have enough faith to know that it's not church that is the problem.  It's the people.  The sinners.  People like me and you.  And me.  Depending on who you talk to, the story can shift on who was in the right and who was leaning toward the wrong.  I am already able to allow thoughts of forgiveness and letting go to roll through my mind regardless of who was right or wrong.  Maybe there was no right or wrong.  It was a judgement call.  And it sucked.

While my recent wounds heal I won't be attending my home church when I visit. I still love my church family and I love my pastors.  But right now, my trust in what a church family is supposed to be is a bit broken.

Today we attended our local church for the first time in months (camping tends to take up a lot of summer weekends).  We left feeling tremendously blessed.  We attended Sunday School where I was able to be a little bit vulnerable in sharing how hard this co-parenting/marriage/parenting/care taking/Christian thing is.  And then later a friend gave me her number with the demand that I call so she can watch our kids while Mr. Sexy and I have a much needed date night.

It was a good day.

But even with the good stuff, I couldn't help but wonder who was watching as I sat next to Marie and whispered in her ear.

Did I look angry? 
Did I look mean? 
Is Marie responding to me ok? 
Are we attracting attention? 
Who is watching?

All that fear is from Satan.  I know that.  But it's still there nonetheless.

Mr. Sexy and I are continuing with our weekly family counseling.  We are also continuing to explore the spiritual elements which I talked about in my recent post: Gear up: We are in War.  There will be more on that subject later this week.

8 comments:

  1. It must be hard -- I wouldn't like feeling like I am living under a microscope. And I don't think it's always the enemy that is doing it to us; but other people. Everyone has their opinions these days. My opinion is Love. :)
    We had a lovely water baptism service today that was down at our local river. Afterward everyone stayed and enjoyed picnics in the nearby park, and swim time at the beach. It was pretty cool to see someone baptized "the old fashioned way" in the river. One of the participants was a 12 year old boy! He was so amazing. Today, church was good.

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    1. Would you say that the enemy can work through people? As imperfect humans, every action, every word comes from SOME place - Bad or good. So if it's bad, wouldn't it have to come from the enemy since he is everything evil and if it's good it comes from the Holy Spirit? Just some thoughts. )

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  2. As you indicated, there's good seeds and bad seeds. Even in churches.

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    1. Churches can get a bad rep so easily that I don't like speaking negatively about but it does happen.

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  3. I think you just have to allow yourself to parent and not care about what others think. But I know that is easier said than done! Hang in there

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  4. So right about how church isn't the problem; people are. Churches are full of imperfect people. If we focus on the people there instead of the one perfect person on whom the church was built, we will really struggle. I can't imagine how stressful it must feel for you as you wonder who is watching you as you parent. How wonderful that you have friends at your local church who are willing to watch your children while you and Mr. Sexy get some time for the 2 of you.

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    1. I suppose I could look at it in a positive way: More people watching, more people will see my family heal and grow.

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