It's a Wonderful Marriage

The green beans are sizzling in butter and I'm worried it's too much when I feel the brush of his lips against my neck.  It tickles like crazy but as I try to squirm away his arms wrap around my waist holding me still.  There is no getting out of this one and he sings a love song in my ear.

That's my husband.  That's Mr. Sexy.  He is damn fine.  Hehehe.  But more than that.  In so many ways he is the glue keeping our family intact.  Every day he works hard for us and has a minimal amount of time to just sit and rest.  I don't know how he stays sane. 

I enjoy marriage.  I love marriage.  I'm incredibly happy to be married and I revel in the fact that being together feels like a mere chance of paths crossed.  But it wasn't a chance at all.  It was a well planned meeting full of twists and turns and big surprises as we have fallen more in love these past 3 years. 

I like to paint a pretty picture on my marriage.  It's easy to do.  Yeah, life has been rocky and not just in the first year.  It's rocky still.  Our foundation has kept us stable through everything and I love to share that with other people.  

I have a husband who enjoys pleasing me so much.  I have a husband who puts every member of our family before himself.  Daily.  My husband actively engages in the hearts of our kids - and in the heart the woman he loves.  Oh!  I think that's me!  

So you see?  I have so much to share about how wonderful marriage is!  

However it's not perfect.  Nope.  Not even a little bit. 

Last week I had his phone while he was at his play rehearsal.  I'm snoopy so it's a given I checked his facebook and email for him.  Nothing interesting on facebook...then I saw the top email in his inbox. 

 Progressive Insurance.  Overdue.  Large balance.  Coverage terminated. 

My heart beat a little quicker and a knot started to form in my stomach.  He did it again.  He lied to me.  I was hurt and disappointed.  And angry, too.  

For some reason he was continuing to make financial decisions without my involvement.  I have told him over and over again I just want to know what his decisions were so I wouldn't be blindsided when I see this stuff on my own.  I knew texting him in my anger wasn't the right answer.  So I did it anyways.  

I didn't expect him to be so apologetic.  I didn't expect him to be so understanding of my feelings.  This is why I call him amazing.  He told me he would do better with involving me in our finances.  Of course, I had heard that line from him many times.  He reiterated it to me when he got home that night.  

He still isn't used to having a partner to make decisions with.  He had been making money decisions by himself since...his first marriage, I guess.  Voldemort wanted no part in the finances at all.  But that's not what I wanted for our marriage.  I wanted him to be able to make our financial decisions because he really is better at it.  I simply wanted to be kept in the loop.  Yet continually I was left in the dark. 

This battle is not new and I have my fault in it as well.  Our money situation tends to bring out the Captain Morgan in me.  But since our last conversation Mr. Sexy has already made a few moves to include me on financial choices.  In fact just last night we went through our budget.  It took less than 5 minutes.  No stress.  No wine.  No fuss.  

It's a struggle for him to remember that I want to be aware of what our money looks like.  It's a struggle for me to see our checking account because usually we are dangerously close to ground zero.  

I still love being married.  And I love being married to Mr. Sexy.  Even when I'm pissed at him I still love him and crave his hugs and kisses.  I find that so frustrating!  Sometimes I just want to be mad and revel in that for a bit.  I can't be the only one that is so silly!  But somehow I can't stop loving him no matter how much he tries to cuddle with me at night while he is snoring like a gorilla .... Do gorillas snore?