Thursday, April 17, 2014

Other Parents: My Journey Through Parenthood

O is for Other parents.

Here is the quick rundown of how our family is indeed a family.

Mr. Sexy had Marie with his first wife who is no longer around which gives us full custody (it's a long and never ending story).

I had Michael with my college boyfriend and we currently split custody down the middle.  He is married to his high school sweetheart and they have one child together. 

Denai is the product of Mr. Sexy and I.  Nuff said. 

There are lots and lots of Other parents we get to deal with.

Michael's dad and step-mom: It's really hard to co-parent when the "co" in the relationship feels nonexistent.  Michael's dad is a good guy but he lacks when it comes to communicating.  At least with me.  When I send him a text message I expect a response at some point, particularly when I'm asking a question.  Days will go by with nada from him.  He rarely answers my phone calls, much less calls me back.  The four of us have been able to sit down together at a restaurant which is an amazing feat for anybody in this situation.  We talk about Michael and brainstorm on how we can parent as similarly as possible.  Then later I get a text that says they think our ideas were no good.  It's frustrating when someone says one thing to your face then seems to change their mind the minute you walk out the door.  This may not happen every time we get together but it happens often enough so that it feels like it happens every time.

I don't know much about Michael's step-mom.  Her and I are actually a lot alike which is comical.  We are both blondes and could be considered a bit bitchy and have aggressive personalities.  Interestingly, however, she tends to take a step back in the parenting arena with Michael.  At least that's how it appears when I'm in the room.  Who knows what happens at home.  On one hand it's nice that she doesn't have an overstated opinion since it's a tense situation.  On the other hand I wish she would have an opinion because frankly, she is his parent as much as the rest of us.  Michael calls her "mom" even.  At least I think he does.  So she better damn well have an opinion about how to handle his tantrums and crappy attitude because she is in an important person in his life!

Grandparents: Mr. Sexy's family lives a two-day drive away and we are hoping to visit this summer (fingers crossed)! We just moved away from my family but only by about an hour's drive.  Grandparents have a very important role in the lives' of our kids although I do believe they should be the instigators.  With everything happening at home I can hardly remember where I put my keys let alone worrying about whether the grandparents have called that week or not.

Then we have the friends or strangers who see it as their duty to parent kids that aren't there own.  If they were babysitting or something, well of course they get to make those judgements.  But otherwise this type of "parenting" ruffles my feathers just a bit.  And sometimes a lot.  It's a fine line to walk - especially with friends.  When do you say something - if you bring it up at all?  How do you mention it without sounding rude or making it uncomfortable?  And then after the conversation, that friend has to figure out where the line is drawn on this topic.  Of course if somebody sees my kid running with scissors or playing with a lighter I want ANYONE to stop this.  Other than that, however, the line seems very thin and easy to cross over.  I'm very flippity-floppity on the subject.

So, these are my experiences and thoughts on a few types of other parents.

What are your experiences with other parents? Was it welcomed or just a pain in the ass?  There is no judgement here!

This is the A-Z blogging challenge so go ahead and read the introduction and see a list of all my A-Z posts.


  1. As with any news I receive: Always Consider the Source.
    From my own mom, I welcomed a lot of advice because we had a great, strong and loving relationship. And she already knew how to let me make my own mistakes.
    From my mother in law: so much unsolicited advice. Like - overflowing. and often with criticism and sometimes down right mean. But once I stood my ground, she backed off. She raised 4 great kids herself - heck, I married one of them! - so it's not like her advice is bad: it's just more of the tone and attitude with which it is delivered.
    In most cases, I wanted a onesie for all my babies that read "My Mom Doesn't Need Your Advice" LOL
    there is sharing our trials and troubles (and joys), and then there is over stepping.
    If anyone is going to approach me, you better do so in love - otherwise; I won't be listening.
    And I would do the same in return.

    1. Michael's grandma (his dad's mom) had a LOT to say to me when Michael was a baby. She wanted me to go through his diet with her and tell me exactly what I should be feeding him every day. Lol Such a laugh.

  2. I haven't had to deal with step parent situations, which must be tough. Just one set of opinionated grandparents who live 20 minutes away and question our every decision. I guess every family has its unique parenting challenges!

    Happy A-Zing
    Laurel's Leaves

    1. Are they first time grandparents? I think that first time grandparents have a difficult time adjusting. Like with your first kid. Everything is new and you're not sure how to deal with it. That's what I tell myself about my own parents at least.

  3. It's the world we live in today; sharing parenting roles with people we may, otherwise, not choose as friends. Like you, I had to parent with my ex-husband and his new wife (she was very involved, which was both good and bad.) I also had my husband's ex-wife, which was truthfully, the BIGGEST NIGHTMARE of them all. Assuming Mr. Sexy's ex didn't pass away, there are some blessings in the fact she's not in the picture. Embrace that!

    There are so few "nuclear families" left, with just a mom and dad who are devoted parents and happily married to each other. The rest of us are a work in progress, figuring out this "blended parenting" thing together and trying not to make too big of a mess with it.

    You sound like you're doing a fine job!! Just love those kids, love Mr. Sexy, and keep trucking forward!
    Shawny Lou

    1. Wow that is A LOT of parents. Marie's mom is not dead. It was a really bad marriage ending in divorce and Marie's mom is off the radar now. It's a long story. There are some details in the About Me section and under the V Update label if you're interested.


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