Saturday, April 19, 2014

Q is for Quitting: My Journey Through Parenthood

Q is for Quitting.

There was a time, not very long ago, when I told Mr. Sexy I was done.  I wanted to quit.

What does that mean? he asked.

I have no blazing clue, was my response.

The daily struggles of life had become too much and I hit a wall.  A brick wall.  And it was very high.  Everything that encompassed who I am, felt dried up.  I felt empty.  I had nothing left to offer.  I just wanted to be done.

I was exhausted from feeling angry every day.  I was tired of feeling unloved and undesired.  I was burnt out from putting so much energy into trying to understand down syndrome.  Daily I was beating myself up because as a step-parent and therefore, as a parent, I was blowing it.  My heart ached and there was no outlet that would satisfy.

So I wanted  to quit.  I fantasized about running away. I thought about becoming a drunk, too.  I could do it and I wouldn't even remember Mr. Sexy leaving me and taking all the kids.

These ideas I just described to you were extremely short lived.  They were fleeting moments of insanity that came and went.  This is how Satan works, though.  Small, swift pokes.  The minute I give the poke some clout, it turns into something bigger.  Like a nudge.  And then, what were fleeting moments of insanity, starts to become my reality.  I have seen this happen in my life before, and I wasn't going to let it happen again.

That's why I had to tell Mr. Sexy I wanted to quit.

As you can see, I have not quit.  I'm not even sure how I came out of the dark place.  Prayer, I'm sure, although not by me.  I don't talk to God well when I'm in the dark place.  So I'm thankful to those who did pray for me because those people, whoever they are, helped keep my family together.

I don't feel like quitting anymore.  I don't want to become a drunk and I definitely want to keep Mr. Sexy and ALL of my kids around.  At least for a few more years. ::wink wink::

It's my opinion that being honest about life is really important.  I don't like it when I put up a facade whether it's on facebook, at church, my blog or hanging out with my friends.  But it's hard to be honest about the dark place.  It is scary to hear about it from a friend.  It's even scarier to admit when you're in the dark place.

The thing is that we need each other.  None of us are immune to the dark place.  There will be some who call me rude names because I admit my deepest struggles.  Then there will be those, like my prayer warriors and Mr. Sexy, who do all they can to respond in love even though they can't understand the struggle.

Wow.  This was deep for the day before Easter!

This is the A-Z blogging challenge so go ahead and read the introduction and see a list of all my A-Z posts.


  1. I can totally relate to the desire to quit. I've been in a dark place too. You are not alone. God bless you, and thank you for sharing your struggles. It's good to talk. :)

    1. None of us are ever alone even when Satan tells us that we are!

  2. I think we all have these kind of feelings from time to time; you totally did the right thing. I believe they only take root when we don't acknowledge them and deal with them. Good for you for having the strength to be honest.

  3. I think we all have our dark moments, bitter moments, angry moments, helpless moments. And it takes a lot of courage to admit that, to say "I want to quit," instead of just hunkering down and trying to pretend things are okay when they're not. The good news is that better times usually follow. Glad to hear you reached yours. :-)

    1. Well, I do hunker down at times. Thankfully I "hunker" back up. ;)

  4. I wrote about quitting too. Somehow, we manage not to quit the important stuff. :)

  5. "small, swift pokes" so so true. he's no gentleman that's for sure. I have been heard muttering in my home "get thee behind me" from time to time.
    That is the truth of life, we all have struggles, we all are attacked when we feel least strong. The dark reaches for us all.
    It's actually the perfect post before Easter: He came to restore the light! :)

    1. I hadn't thought about this being a good easter post. Now I wish I had tied that together a little bit more!

      So...I have a very funny image of you being "heard muttering" around your home. I don't know how to describe it right now but I'm positive the image in my head is not accurate at all because it makes me giggle.

      However, I should probably spend more time "muttering" myself.

  6. I thinking quitting is a normal response when we get overwhelmed with life, and like you pointed out it is a device Satan uses against us. It's wonderful we have a network of people who lift us in prayers daily who don't have to know what's going on in our lives, but because they love us they ask for God's hand to be upon us. I am glad you don't feel like quitting anymore. God has lifted you from your dark place and set you on track. Thank you for your honesty!

    1. "when life gets overwhelming." That's the truth for sure. I'm the type of person who sees a disaster of a kitchen and simply won't enter. I will go buy paper plates instead. lol Good thing I'm married otherwise we would probably never use real plates again!


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